Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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