I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
