Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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