I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
