Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
What drink are we having for lunch?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's blow job season.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
