I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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