Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
