Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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