His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
