So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
