Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
