I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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