Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
