Kiss
Puke
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
