I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
