Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
