I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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