Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
