The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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