Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
