no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
