I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
