Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
