she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
my liver is dry heaving
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
