There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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