He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I love having hate sex.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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