I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
