she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
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