Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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