Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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