I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
