no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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