kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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