I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I need water and some morals
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
