I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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