ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You can't special order awesome
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
