I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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