i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
