If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
