That's intense
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Do you remember whose house we're in?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
