She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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