Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
