I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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