I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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