I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
