even my farts smell like vagina
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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