When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
