Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
