how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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