Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
