ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
