Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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